The things I do to Self-Sabatage

There are things I hate. I talk myself out of doing things I enjoy because I tend to believe I’m not good at them, so why bother. Take, for instance, the Blog Talk Radio thing I used to do. I genuinely enjoyed it. I faithfully talked to myself for an hour every week. If there’s one things I’m great at in this life, it’s talking to myself. Why did I stop? I’m horrible at self-confidence. I simply don’t have any. I’m surprised when people compliment me in any fashion and I’m uncomfortable when someone feels the need to say something kind about something I’ve done. Believe me, I’m damn good at faking confidence, but the moment someone says something nice, I’m really just waiting for the other shoe to drop and for them to tell me I suck at life and should give up my addiction to oxygen.

I have sister-envy. My sister can do no wrong in my eyes. She’s the most stable person I know. Even her neurosis are mild in my eyes. While she may disagree, I find her confidence something that I seriously wish I had. I’ve never seen anyone so able to take life by it’s balls and make it do her bidding. She’s about to turn 30 has a great family, a fantastic career, and the personality befitting a real grown up.

In reality, my circumstances are quite similar. I have my own place (that I rent… it’s my personal shoebox!). I have a lovely car that I make a car payment on. My children are happy and healthy. I shouldn’t feel like an epic slacker. I work in a professional setting, I’ve published four books with the fifth to be out in January. So I’m fairly well accomplished, and yet… I stopped writing blogs because someone told me she looked forward to reading them each day.

Compliments freak me out and yet I crave them. Your literary Goddess is not very sane.



2 thoughts on “The things I do to Self-Sabatage

  1. So, would you stop this blog because I said I really love it and I can totally relate? If that’s the case, then it really sucks and you should try harder. Better? šŸ™‚ Okay, I’m not good at lying. I love everything you write. Biggest fan ever.

  2. Woman, I told you over a year ago you better brace yourself for success. Look were you are and what you have accomplished in the past few years.

    Own it, be proud of yourself! I know I am. šŸ˜€

    I can relate to the craving compliments yet that feeling of non deserving when they actually come. I have always found it to be such an odd quirk. I have a feeling we might not be alone.

    I’m glad you are back to blogging. You have great stuff to share. Not just your books, but you have great insight on quite a few things. Love those that love ya and pooh on those that don’t.

    I must be tired, since I keep typing. LOL…….

    (sorry, i slipped into motivational butt kicking mode there) LOL

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