Random Nonsense

I have limited my life in so many ways. I’ve almost forgotten what it feels like to be a healthy person. In any aspect, mind, body, or spirit. Most of the time my soul is angry. I feel as if I could lash out at the many people who have done damage to my world. Since I’m also a pacifist, that doesnt actually work. None of my problems would ever be solved by violence or war.

That got me thinking, am I truly a pacifist? I really don’t care about other people’s violence. If they blow themselves up, its none of my concern. If given the chance, would I take that one lucky parting shot of there were no concequencea to my actions. I’d probably not survive the guilt, so I’d be the one left holding the smoking gun, with the bullet lodged in the concrete in front of me.

I’m slowly losing my mind. I grow more weary of the struggles and fights. At what point is it fun to get older? When do you finally reach the point of just not giving a damn.

God I look forward to that day

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