I can remember the last time I had mind blowing sex that left me weak in the knees and breathless. What a great five minutes that was. I can even remember the last time I had sanity in my life. I’m pretty sure it lasted less in length of time than the mind blowing sex. Good coffee though, I’m beginning to think its a myth. Some urban legend made to send simpletons like me running to places like Starbucks that force my wallet to hemorrhage for mediocrity.
Now those of you who actually know me, understand that my dating choices have left you amused, befuddled, and ready to have me committed for self destructive behaviors. I know this, you know this, hell the four year old neighbor could have warned me about my last attempt at coupling up. Needless to say, I have less faith in my current ability to actually make a half decent decision when it comes to the opposite sex.
So when someone strikes my interest, I turn into Super-Dweeb. I talk too much, laugh too loud, and analyze everything. There is nothing more neurotic than an insecure woman on a first date. Add to this a distinct lack of actual dating experience because I had sex and dating confused my entire life, and you get a woman who doesn’t know her ass from a hole in the wall about how one should act in this specialized environment.
You know what I’m good at? Making people feel at ease. I can listen, understand, and accurately assess how someone needs me to respond. I’m an empathetic person with a great deal of life experience to pull from in helping others. The reason I’m good at this is because I’m calculating. While this word gets a bad reputation, it doesn’t mean manipulation. I think all day, every day. Before you finish your proposal, I’ve analyzed every response that could potentially come out of my mouth, and the ripple effect they will have on the conversation. I’ve decided how my response will effect you, and chosen the path of lease resistance for your emotional responses.
Let me tell you how this translates to the dating world. It means my past choices were more for the other half than for myself. I’ve most certainly stayed with them because it was better for them. Here in lies the issue of my life. I have a serious need to take care of someone, and it pisses me off to have to. Is it too much to ask to meet someone who doesn’t need me, but wants me anyway?
So I’m going to come up with a new game plan. I’m not going to look for great sex in a man. God knows, that has led me down the path to Hell a few times. Though, lets face it, we will always remember when someone rung our bell well. I will stop looking for sanity. At thirty-four, its a lost cause. But damn it, I will use every first date from here to eternity to find the best coffee out there. After all, a girl has to have standards.
Though actually, yesterday I had a date with good conversation, good coffee, and mouth watering thoughts.