Life is funny sometimes. The last two men I dated were around me what felt like 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. I literally felt smothered every waking second. If I was at work, they’d call or text me. I struggled with this incessant need to be in contact with me. I don’t talk to my children hourly, I sure don’t want someone else invading my day like that. It drove me bonkers.
So now I’m talking to a man who barely texts. That’s not to say he doesn’t respond, he does, but usually in one word or short phrases. Guess what, it makes me insecure. How bizarre is that? I know in my head that he wants to talk to me and spend time with me, but the whole short ended statements has me on the sidelines scratching my head. I made a joke with my friend Brenda, that I wouldn’t text him, at all, until he sent me a message because I didn’t want him to feel like I was this crazed woman who blew up his phone. I lasted an hour before I sent good morning. What the hell is wrong with me?
I’m ‘THAT’ girl. You know, the one who we all secretly laugh about behind her back because she’s going to self-sabotage everything in her life. Have I mentioned lately how much I hate dating? I’m ridiculously bad at the male-female dynamic. How did women do it, back in the day before cell phones? Spend a week apart from me and I’ve already planned our courtship, marriage, and subsequent divorce in my head. If you give me the opportunity, I’ll do all your thinking for you and it never ends well in my head.
I have to be driving this poor man crazy with my need to send him messages. I’m working on cell phone detox. I’m going to ask my kid to password my cell phone so I can only use it during hours I’m at home. You know things are bad when you’re going to ground yourself from your cell phone. As I sit here, staring at the blinking light on my phone, I know it’s not him, but I’m going to check anyway just on the hope that he sent me something.
Ugh. I need rehab for texting. That would actually suck though because I communicate with everyone via text. The only people I ever actually call are my children, when I can’t avoid it, my sister, when I’m driving, and my best friend when I have more to say than my fingers feel like texting. I don’t know why I feel he needs to know every random ass thought in my head. Trust me, I’m just not that interesting.
So as I finish this up, my first thought? Should I text him that he’s mentioned in a blog…
I need mental help.