So because I’ve grown rather used to my many first dates, I decided to check out what the population of Christiansburg VA had to offer and changed my zip code on the dating website that I use. Let’s review the three candidates that lit up my profile within ten minutes of me changing that zip code. (I’ve come to the conclusion that there are a shortage of women in this area, and that the men are unemployed.) So basically it’s just like home. I don’t know what I expected, but I didn’t think it could get worse than the strange individual’s I’d found in our lovely city of Jacksonville.
Exhibit A – We never made it to names, so I’m going to call him Norman Bates
– This lovely gentlemen is 35, he loves to fish, hunt, and swim. He also, upon me saying hello, described in detail what he’d do to parts of my body with parts of his body. Not that this is surprising anymore, but he spelled his words like a second grader and genuinely thought juicy was a good adjective to describe everything.
Exhibit B – “Gomer”
– Now mind you, I told every single person I talked to yesterday that I was only here for 8 days and I’m not actually taking this very seriously. Gomer tried to convince me to ‘sale’ my house, and move to VA so he could show me the time of my life. We could go on down to the Waffle House, they make real good eggs there. He said he needed a good woman to tend to him and his needs because he’s working too hard trying to find a job to worry about house stuff.
Exhibit C – “Don Juanabe”
– this man had the audacity to be moderately amusing upon initial contact, making me think that Va had potential in the dating world. Fast forward through the initial boring ‘How’s your day’ chit chat, he jumped in with this smoothest line ever: Is your *ahem* ready to take a pounding, and can i @#%@ your throat? (censored for the sanity of my dear readers, he was not so kind.)
So there you have it. I have the absolute insane ability to attract the dregs of humanity no matter where I am. Somewhere I send out a vibe, if you’re unemployed and are basically a douchbag, message me because I’m your dream girl! Here I bet you thought I wouldn’t be blogging on vacation. Eh, life amuses me to pause it in the middle for a dating time out. Who knows, Mr. Right Now could be right around the corner, just waiting for me to blog about him.