I’ve talked a great deal about respect. It’s important to me, it should be important to everyone, but as a society, we seem to accept that people are not going to respect us, and that’s just okay. Other than the longest run on sentence I’ve made in a while, it really should disturb you that people are so callous towards others. I’ve decided that the only thing a man and a woman (or other variations based on your preference) are capable of talking about is sex.
Sex is an insanely boring conversation. Sure you can find out a few things here and there with words, but actions tend to garnish better results. (Please know I’m referring to discussing before doing. By all means women, be verbal in bed and let him (or her) know exactly what you want so you can finally stop counting ceiling tiles or faking the grand finale.) I got super annoyed last night because the date potential turned into a sexual prowler. He steered the conversation and kept it at sex for quite some time. Then when my answers weren’t what he wanted to hear, he tried to educate me on how I was wrong and subsequently being a tease. I kid you not, he basically said that he knew my responses better than I did, and that I’m pretty much mean for not doing what he thought I should be practically grateful for the opportunity to do.
I cannot even tell you how much it made me want to tell him about himself. The part that annoyed me the most was I was preconditioned to defend myself. Then I realized that I didn’t need some oversexed zealot to validate my choices. If I never want to do something again in my life, so be it. If I never wanted to have sex in my life, again, for as long as I lived, that’s my choice to make. If you know me at all, you know I’m pretty wide open so none of those things would ever happen, but it still pisses me off that I fought the urge to tell him why, to explain, and to make him understand my choices. I don’t do that to anyone, why would I do that to some random ass stranger on the internet.
So no actual dates in a while, it’s getting pretty boring. I have to buy my own coffee and lunch these days. I got hung up for a hot moment on someone that ultimately isn’t a wise decision. I had to remind myself, over and over again, that making good choices was part of being a grown up. I can’t very well hold these men I’ve been talking to the high standard I set for myself, and then act like they do because someone tells me I’m pretty. Being a woman is hard enough, commanding respect is a cycle of perpetual labor, but remaining faithful to who I am as a human… it’s very hard to do that. It’s easy to go with the flow and be like everyone else.
So, love me, or hate me, that’s completely up to you.
Respect is what I deserve because I will give it to you. Always. If a person can’t understand that, I guess I’ll be dateless, husbandless, and life partnerless for the rest of my addiction to oxygen. I will not be less than someone’s first priority.