Sometimes, I don’t like myself when I’m talking to someone. I’ll find myself being this whiney little bitch waiting for some crumb of affection or attention. I set myself up for these long agonizing glances at my cell phone to see if he’s messaged me back. I will never understand why I give someone that power over me. I’m a strong, independent woman who is fully capable of spending the rest of my natural life alone. That is not my preference, but I can actually do it. So why would I settle for 1/3 of someone’s attention? It’s not even like there’s some grand love affair going on. I’m disgusted with myself, and that settles that. The day I can’t look at myself in the mirror with pride is the day I stop chasing insanity.
How many of us go through this? You meet a guy, he’s fucking awesome. Everything about the honeymoon stage of meeting someone is new. The first kiss, the first touch, the first time he looks at you with an intensity that makes your toes curl. Those are things that make dating worthwhile. I live for those moments. Then reality creeps in, and you realize that your dream super hero is just a man in Batman footie pajamas. You know what though? I like Batman footie pajamas. I like comfort and familiarity. I just can’t seem to find that someone that doesn’t make me neurotic.
So since I’m a fan of lists, I’ve decided to lay out what I’m looking for, and then you all can tell me if I’m going to spend the rest of eternity with cats and bad hair days.
- Higher than average Intelligence. This is my kryptonite. If a man is smarter than I am, it makes me drawn to him like a moth to a flame.
- Motivation. I usually equate this with ambition in a work force, but hell motivation at all would work for me these days. Don’t feel settled, in anything.
- Don’t be addicted to anything illegal. Don’t *do* anything illegal that garnishes more than a traffic violation. Don’t be addicted to anything that alters your basic state of mind. Basically don’t do drugs, think about drugs, sell drugs, be an alcoholic, etc.
- For God’s sake, talk like a grown up. HRU is not sexy. Gurl is cringe worthy. I am not baby girl, thickness, shorty, doll, and seriously, should you call me a snow bunny, I’ll forget you exist. I’m a woman not a child.
- Honesty. Real honesty. Don’t tell me you’re not married so I can find Facebook pictures of your wedding day. I’m not the morality police, nor am I all that innocent. I understand life and situations.
- Be over your damn exes. That’s it. It’s simple.
- Strength. Internal is what I am referring to. (External is hot though, not going to lie.) If I’m dead wrong, tell me. If I’m dead wrong in public, support me, and then when we’re alone tell me.
- Be a man. If I wanted to date a woman, I’d just do that.
- Don’t bash anything. People full of hate make me ill.
- Take care of your shit. If you have kids, support them. If you have bills, pay them.
- Take care of your damn self. This includes showers, brushing teeth daily, and dressing age appropriately.
- Don’t be a greedy lover. Take the time to find out what I like in bed because I give that courtesy. Nothing will turn me off more than expecting me to do something because you know I will.
- Finally… someone who knows the balance between regular conversation, smothering and flat out ignoring. Get to know me enough to know the damn difference.
I really should just make this blog my online dating profile.
I really think I’m looking at an existence of loneliness because my dream man doesn’t exist.