Falling On My Ass

Success-31I’m a goal oriented woman. I enjoy the chase of success just as much as the recognition it usually brings. Secretly I’m still that four year old singing obnoxiously into her hairbrush waiting for mommy or daddy to tell me what a fantastic job I did. Okay, so maybe that’s not true, I’ve never actually needed accolades, and have no idea how to act when I actually get them. This goes both in my work life and my dating life. It’s just weird when people notice.

I took a step back from dating, hence the lack of blogs about insanity in the making. I did this because it was going well. Not the dating, that was a train wreck. The blogging was going well and for some reason being a successful writer is my Achilles heel. When something starts to show signs of success, I pack my bags and go home because there is no stability in writing. Or so I tell myself, even though I know dozens of writers who are actually successful enough at their trade that they have quit their jobs and focus solely on writing.

Part of me knows I’ll never do that. I need to socialization of where I work. I spent at least five years in my living room being dragged out by my best friend, just to see other life forces at Walmart. Home has always been my security blanket, but it is also my self imposed prison. Even now, with the friends I’ve made, and the great experiences I’ve had, I know that if left to my own devices and I worked from home again, I’d never leave my house.

Computer GenerationEverything is an internal fight with me. I know I would be great if I just put myself out there more. If I actually just wrote. I put myself out there at work, and it didn’t kill me. Stability vs unknown, apparently in my head stability wins.

Here is what I would like to do. 2-3 blogs a week. They don’t have to be about dating, I wouldn’t mind featuring authors again, though not the normal blurb and picture hoopla, that’s boring. Author visits – Kristy style. 1 Literary Goddess show every other Sunday afternoon. A daily writing goal of 500 words toward something I’m actually intent on publishing.

Now i don’t know if I’ll accomplish these goals today, next week, or a year from now, but I am going to try.

Oh and I do plan on resuming dating. I need sex in my life.



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