Life is one cosmic collision after another just waiting to startle the next dumb schmuck moving along in its existence. I have a love-hate relationship with the men I’ve dated in my lifetime. One, I will probably never speak to again for a long as my heart still beats. The flip side to that is one, I still speak to daily, love him to pieces. For the most part, my relationship with my exes is pretty normal. I hate running into them, I hate the weird reminders of our time together. Most of all, i hate acknowledging that ‘my God’ I make some ridiculous decisions. I mean, really. I dated him. ON PURPOSE?!?!?
What the frack was I thinking. I think this is where so much of my problems with dating comes in. If I can make THOSE choices, how the hell can I trust myself to find one good, non crazy, man? I have this ‘scared to succeed’ mentality. Went the devastation route in the past, already have the souvenirs, and do NOT want more. I know so many women who just would rather be alone than not bother with all this nonsense. I understand the though, even appreciate it, but unlike them, I’m a glutton for punishment.
Last week I ran into an ex. Well, I didn’t speak to him, but my children did. He was working at a fair that we went to. Want to know what an asshole I am? My first thought? Oh so you do know how to get a job, fucker. Then it was complete emptiness. I literally couldn’t give two shits where he was concerned. I’ve ran into a few exes and had that level of nothingness. Did I ever love any of them? I don’t think so. I don’t know that i’ve ever truly been in love. Or even if I believe in love. Ex thoughts make me neurotic.
Ever ran into an ex and it wasn’t awkward? I’d love to hear your story.