Pounds of Shame

bmifunnyOn 4/28/2017 I made the conscious decision to make a change in my life. I weighed 283 lbs and struggled with the most basic of activities. I didn’t wear sneakers because I couldn’t bend down to tie them. I didn’t wear tShirts because the sleeve would be too tight around the fat of my arms. I never wore shorts because my thighs ate them.

What’s amazing about this is that I don’t have a self esteem problem. I can strut around naked and have no qualms what so ever, walking around in a bathing suit on a crowded beach. The two did not correlate in my mind. If my fat rolls bothered someone else, it spoke more to their character than mine.

It’s been almost six weeks since I joined WW and I will state that its effective. I’ll even say that 85% of the time I follow it. Especially at work. Weekends are hit or miss because I’m usually out and about with my boyfriend or my children. This usually means that we’ll go out to eat, and most of their favorite restaurants are buffet. An expression I learned in WW was to make sure that it was ‘worthy of my love.’

Pretty sure everything at #1 China is worthy of my love. I’m just saying.

Last night I ventured into the weight room of the gym. I stared at myself in the mirror as I worked on my upper body. I can see the muscle in my arms, and hanging below them was about six inches of hanging skin and fat. It was the first time I’ve ever looked at myself in the mirror and felt something other than comfort. I wanted to cringe, or to hide from it, but really how do you hide from your own body?

I know I’m losing weight because the scale would never dream of lying in a positive manner. (I even checked the scale at the gym, just so both weren’t making up a lighter, fabricated number.) It’s weird because at the end of the day, I’m the one who will make or break this decision.

I bet it’s easier to put on 14 lbs than lose it. Would take less time too.

And for all the memes out there talking about salad is $7 and a burger is $1. Stop buying premade. I made 5 salads out of 1 bundle of spinach, 1 container of strawberries, 1 container of goat cheese, and 1 bottle of raspberry vinaigrette. Total cost: $5, or $1 a salad.

For breakfast I have a protein shake. It’s 1 c. coffee, 3/4 c. Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk, 1 med. banana, 1 scoop chocolate protein, and 1 c. ice. (Since i need sweet in my life, I add 2 splenda. )

Snacks throughout the day include celery and hummus, tangerines, unsweetened apple sauce, and Tuna Creations (Packets of tuna with flavors like lemon pepper, and ranch).

Dinner I’m still working on a balance. If I go to the gym that day, I’m pretty sure I can eat half a cow afterwards. Yesterday I stopped at Checkers and had a burger and a diet coke. The burger was 22 points.

That’s over half my day’s points.

For a burger.

But it was totally worth my love.



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