Defining Willingness

If you were to take measure of your life in this moment, how would you rate your overall sense of well being? On a scale of ten, I’d easily give myself a two. That’s to say there are more things wrong with me than there are right. I’ve shut down, I disengaged, and I’m struggling with getting back to humanity.

All the self-help, self-care, self-love books and apps out there talk about taking a moment to define with you are willing or unwilling to do. I think that’s a good place as any to start.

I’m no longer willing to mask my unhappiness. Period.

I’m willing to put in the effort to swim one mile by going to the gym to swim at least 3 times a week.

I’m not willing to allow other people’s feelings to usurp my own.

I’m willing to volunteer. I’m reaching out to two organizations to volunteer my time on a regular basis.

I’m not willing to allow fear of failure or fear of success to dictate my writing.

I’m willing to write every day, even if its no more than a paragraph.

I’m not willing to damage my body by eating foods I cannot have.

I’m willing to forgive myself when I do.

I’m unwilling to live in ignorance of faith or spirituality

I’m willing to go to church to learn.

I’m not willing to allow the well meaning enablers in my life to disrupt what I’m trying to achieve.

I’m willing to find routines that allow me the best chance of living healthier.

I’m unwilling to go another day without building a circle of friends.

I’m willing to engage and participate in their worlds.

I wrote out this list because I have to fix what is hindering myself in this life.

On this path, I accept that I may walk alone. That other people’s goals aren’t aligned with my own. I cannot spend every week planning on getting better, planning to do more, creating diagrams and charts that will lock me in analysis paralysis.

I’m willing to rejoin humanity and I’m unwilling to allow anyone to stand in my way.

With peace and love,

Kristy

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